[Loki wasn't much for praise out in the wide world - either he did a good job or he didn't, and he didn't trust the lip service of his co-workers or the motivational praise of his bosses. It was about results, and Loki's standards were pretty black and white, cut and dry.
But to hear it from Paul sent a thrill through him, lips twitching towards a smile before they part as he pulls in a lungful of air, eyes slipping closed under the soft pressure. Fuck. He loved this so much and the punctuating slam of Paul's hips against him makes him moan a little with each thrust.
Then he couldn't breathe at all and the hand around his cock strokes furiously in time with Paul's hips, brain shorting out to nothing but the movement, the pleasure, the 'yeah, I'm your whore, fucking use me' that took him over.
It didn't take long at all - A bare note got out from behind Paul's grasp before Loki was cumming, mouth working with the breath he couldn't draw as his body tenses and bows, legs and stomach trembling under the sweet duress as he unloads and paints his stomach and fist.
He was absolutely going to need that help staying upright when he relaxes.]
[ They haven't been together in so long, have barely done anything like this but Paul, even wrapped in ecstasy and almost entirely losing control of himself, knows Loki well enough. Even before that grunt, even before the other lurches he knows--and there's something about the way the other spasms when he comes like this that goes straight to Paul's cock and sends him over the edge himself, a grunt from his lips as he he spills inside of Loki. Probably he shouldn't, just like he probably shouldn't choke his friend, though he eases pressure immediately once the other's cum splashes against the pale skin and his own henley. He does anyway.
Paul moves his hands almost immediately, still sheathed inside the brunet but more focused on making sure Loki's head doesn't hit the cramped kitchen cupboards: strong arms wrap around the other lighting quick, pulling him into a half-hug half-hold, and somewhere between the panting and the coming down from it all and the room spinning with sheer ecstasy Paul gently presses his lips against Loki's neck as a way of apologizing. Soft this time, as if combating the roughness will help. He's never soft. He tries to be, but it only ever works with Loki.
The smell of coffee is just as fragrant as the sex and sweat from the both of them. It's what finally pulls Paul out of it, content to just hold Loki as is for as long as he can. Eventually, though, and with an un-gloved hand swiping through Loki's half-shaved head, pushing his hair back for him, he breathes out and pulls out of the other entirely. He doesn't know what to say. It's morning, now. He can hear birds. Paul keeps his gaze lowered, grabbing paper towels to help clean his partner up, and says the only thing he really can think of. ]
Still want that coffee?
[ Loki's never looked more attractive than now, sex mussed in the afterglow. ]
[It was strange almost, to feel Paul unload in him, in the haze of his own orgasm and as soon as he starts to relax, his supporting arm gives out. If it weren't for Paul's swift hands, he would have absolutely banged his head against the bottom edge of the cabinet. Still, blind in the afterwash, Loki could only gasp in a soft surprise as he was scooped into Paul's arms, his own sliding up and around to grip onto his old friend like a life raft.
Paul had let go. He knew he would. The soft kiss at his neck made his already weak knees a little weaker, and he sighs out a note of contentment.
Loki could almost fall asleep here. He was already running short on sleep and the crawl of Morning was an unwelcome one. He had no delusions; he knew they weren't going to be going back to Paul's bedroom. He sounds softly, a grunt, an exhale as Paul pulls out and steps away, and runs his hand over the bangs that Paul had just pushed back. The papertowels are taken and Loki wipes himself down.]
Yeah. Yeah, pour me one, woulda ya?
[Meanwhile, Loki will hop off the counter, keeping a hand on it's edge as his legs regain their balance before going to get his pants, eyes moving back to Paul as often as he could get away with it so that he could enjoy the shape of the man moving in the mundane task. Fuck.
He didn't know what to fill the silence with, so he didn't, focusing on getting his pants back together.]
[ It's not normal--they're not normal--but Paul delights in the soft way Loki sighs, that little hum of happiness escaping from his throat. It sends a pleasant shiver down Paul's spine, mostly because he didn't expect to hear it ever again.
He wants desperately to move in, to close the gap between them once more and kiss Loki softly, gently, to pull him into a long hug and guide him over to the bed he hardly sleeps in, curling up next to him with a protective arm and sleeping the entire day. But he has work to do and Loki has work to do and Paul wouldn't be surprised if Loki still operated on 3 or 4 hours like Paul does.
So coffee it is, and the blond pushes down the sudden thought that this is going to be the last time they see each other, because that's the way the world seems to work. But Loki makes him feel right. He'd missed it, not realizing how that emptiness has gnawed at him for years. The kind of thing he thought Irene would help him with, before Standard and before Paul just couldn't help himself.
And there's something else, too, Paul realizes, perfectly content in the silence as Loki changes, he himself cleaning up a little as well and washing his hands. ]
Did the scars come first, or the tattoos?
[ It seems better than saying the obvious. 'how many times did the people supposed to protect you hurt you' seems trite. Paul pours the coffee, making it exactly Loki enjoys it. He'd memorized it the moment they had that breakfast together. ]
[He struggled to pretend that they fit well in such easy domesticity, as much as the fractional daydreaming side of him wished, too used to the harsh reality of loneliness that his life that he was smart enough to not question. Better this way, considering how he worked. Safer; he wouldn't hang any hopes and then get disappointed.
He'd had quite enough of that.
He bends, picking his shirt up with two fingers, already pleasantly sore. He was going to feel it all day. The shirt is tugged back over his shoulders, sleeves tugged up to his elbow.]
The tattoos. Quite a few of 'em hurt more than the scars did, and some of the scars there were put there myself.. [He takes the cup and gives Paul a little warm smile.]
[ Loki smiles at the coffee and Paul can't help but smile back, mirroring the other's own boyish smile with one of his own. Coffee. Common ground. They can start to learn about each other again.
Can they catch up? They're capable of doing so physically, at least. Loki knows where Paul lives. Paul knows where Loki works. Loki has to swing by the garage in a week anyway, though Paul is already planning on spending the day taking care of Loki's car. It's the last he can do after he wrecked it, even if he's not sorry about it. He motions to the small couch and coffee table: they can sit, and Paul can watch Loki like if he looks away the other is going to disappear like Orpheus's lover. He smiles again, decides maybe he and Loki should shove drinks and dinner in their faces sometime. Re-learn everything. ]
What's your favourite?
[ It doesn't matter what tattoo it is--it does, but not to Paul. It matters that Loki thinks it matters. Paul wants to ask about the scars, ask about the ones he put on himself--and he will. But right now he just wants to hear Loki talk. He missed it. ]
[Paul gestures and Loki heads that way but stays standing, worried that if he sits on that comfortable looking couch - a blanket on concrete looked comfortable right now - he'd end up dozing off. No, better that he get some of the coffee down his gullet. He didn't pace though, picking a spot where it was comfortable to watch Paul, to study him softly like he was taking notes to remember everything clearly when it was all over.]
The scripting along my thighs and hips.
[He pauses and turns out his right forearm.]
These here. Proofs of dedication. Proof of self definition.
[His hand drops back down, tucking into his pocket.]
[ The exception is in the room. Loki stands and Paul doesn't take it personally. He's unhuried and unbothered as he sits, motion fluid but stiff, back perfectly straight. He watches Loki with a calm expression, though his eyes and the light twitch of his brow denotes interest. Paul inwardly chides himself for not getting a good look at the words.
Dedication. Self definition. It's fitting for Loki: transformed through his actions, rising above unparalleled, a phoenix. There's always been a bit of fire in both of them, Loki moreso, fueled by so, so much in his life.
Where did he go, when Paul aged out and ran? Paul's gaze moves to the still bloodshot eye, the scar on the other's skull. That's proof of dedication and self definition too, he thinks. Just a different kind. ]
You've changed, but you haven't.
[ Paul smiles, a sudden proud feeling fluttering into his stomach. ]
[Paul never really had. They were almost feral when they weren't under the watchful eye of the Priest, a pack of wild, unloved and angry boys eating each other alive, and anyone getting close was a threat. Because of course they'd strike if they were there, right?
Loki had been hoping for a little more. Why Paul was here. (No, he wasn't going to let go of it. He couldn't. Not when Trouble liked following them sometimes.) What happened during any of their in between time, what Paul had been doing with himself. Still, he wasn't disappointed. Six words were better than none.
He smiles back, stomach twisting with the pure hungry joy of getting to see Paul like this. Smiling. At ease. Basically, anyway. Enough.]
I could say the same thing about you. Suppose time does that to a person though... And it's been what, a decade?
[The word, the audacity of time having moved that much was given a huff and a pull of his lips that sat half empty on his face.]
Tell me about someplace else you ended up. [He just wants to hear Paul talk and he moves around to the open seat next to him, parking himself comfortably on it's edge, their knees almost but not quite touching.] Or maybe a warm place you've been. Winters been long as hell and I miss sunshine.
[ there's something beautiful in the way that Loki's profile looks in the morning light. He looks tired as all hell, one eye still red, that long, new scar visible, but beautiful like this. Calm. When had he twitched last? The facial tic that happens when he's stressed. It had been frequent, but Paul doesn't remember it much since he picked Loki up and they went for a drive.
Maybe they do balance each other out. Paul's certainly more relaxed. Enough that he's talking without large pauses, enough that he's moving an arm around Loki's waist as he's perched on the corner of the couch. The blonde sidles up to him, gently pressing his face against the other's side, taking in Loki's scent. He smells the same. It's been a decade, but Loki's still the one person Paul would do anything for. ]
I've been in LA, working in a garage. Met someone who took a chance on me, got me in a car. Stunt driving.
[ a beat. He misses Shannon. He misses him a lot, the sight of him dead in the garage still vivid, still fresh. His grip around Loki tightens until he forces himself to stop. ]
Paid shit, but it felt like i was free.
[He pauses. Mumbles the last bit, suddenly shy but wanting to change the subject ] Great food in LA. Do you like mexican?
[He felt it, the slack in his normally tight muscles, in the lack of just under the skin electricity that drove him into action again and again. The way that the longer he spends next to Paul, the easier it is to relax, to be someone he hasn't been in a long time.
All the expectations of what was going to happen that he'd set up in his mind were getting proven wrong -
An arm shifts without thought, Loki's heart skipping a beat at the new and also familiar contact as his hand settles on the curve of Paul's shoulders as he listens. A shop. Sounds about right. The stunt driving makes him smile. It was dangerous, sure, but a good application of the skill.
The tight squeeze has Loki shifting his hand to hug Paul's head against him, like a silent promise that he wasn't going anywhere.]
Free is good. [The best, actually.] And only assholes don't like mexican. Best thing we have here is a Chinese restaurant and a burger place. Gotta go out a half hour or so to hit anything Mexican.
[ Paul wonders if Loki has any idea just how reassuring that hand gentle hug motion is to Paul, who closes his eyes and does nothing but try to etch the moment into his mind.
It's nice, he thinks. It's like it's them against the world again. Just Loki and Paul, the orphan and the delinquent, pushing against everything that forced them down.
Paul pulls away for a fraction of an inch to look directly at Loki from below, voice soft and sincere. ]
I could drive us. Whenever you're free. I'm available.
[Loki worries that it will have been taken poorly for a second, the grip just as easily interpreted as something closer to the start of boyish play instead of the secure promise of security it was. After years of not touching anyone, and he assumed that it was much the same way for Paul, Loki found himself hungry for the closeness now, hungry for the contact.
Mismatched blue eyes shift to Paul's face as the man shifts and he can't help the crooked pull of his smile at all the hope and love he saw there. His hand shifts, combing back a few errant pieces of blonde hair that could have been left alone before settling his hand back where it was around Paul's head.]
Starting to sound like a date. [His smile spreads. A date was more than perfectly okay for him.] It'll have to be in a few days though. Once I get somewhere in this case I'm working.
[A case that made him blink that hard, ticish blink even thinking about it. A case he still felt he should be doing right now, but he hadn't taken a break and jesus, he had needed one. It was to the point somedays where Loki felt like shit about sleeping because of the wasted hours not searching for the answer, where the need to solve the life or death riddle held even his most basic human needs at bay.]
[ a date. Paul can't think of the last time he had a date, proper and official. Driving with Irene, maybe, but that wasn't real, that was something Paul thought he could have. A glimpse of normalcy.
He doesn't want normalcy. He wants Loki. He's always wanted Loki. And as Loki brushes his hair away from his face he knows it'd reciprocated. ]
No. [ it doesn't ruin it at all. Paul will just spend more time with Loki's car, will call Loki when he knows the other isn't sleeping. ]
You're doing the right thing.
[ a reminder. Paul exhales. That twitch is back. ]
[You can talk about it if you want. Loki stayed silent, blinking that hard full face blink again as he looks over Paul's face. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to dredge up the memories of them, post belting. Of them being thrown into those isolation rooms that Loki had always sworn were haunted by the boys that the Priest had undoubtedly killed - more like than not, those boys were actually moved out of the home, into the foster system much in the same way that Loki and Paul were but that thought never managed to beat the ideas he'd gotten when he was small.
His grip tightens against the back of Paul's head briefly, a reassurance.]
What I want is four hours of sleep and a shower. Maybe I'll see something in everything that I haven't seen before. Only question is if I'm doing those things here, or alone back at my apartment.
[He'd rather do them here. Rather talk Paul into joining him on the bed, being horizontal, relaxing properly - they could probably both use a little shut eye.]
[ its old habits again. It's Paul crawling into Loki's bed without a word because he's scared and Loki doesn't care if he's essentially mute. It's Loki doing the same because Paul accepts him wholly and unconditionally. It's the two of them communicating in their own cadence, their own language.
Paul has a difficult time sleeping, sure. He pulls all nighters frequently, especially if he's a driver for someone. But Loki, he's got reasons. He's haunted. He's a good guy in every sense now. Not a cop, but a detective, and Paul desperately wants the other to tell him everything. The good parts, the bad parts, why he's crazy enough to get into the field even though Paul already has a few inklings.
Loki will. Maybe Paul will prod him. The blonde nods. ]
Okay.
[ loki's not like other people. Paul tends to talk more in the other's presence. He reaches up to gently run fingers along that long scar on Loki's head softly as he rises. ]
Stay. I want you to stay.
[ forever. Until however long he can. Until Paul needs to leave town because of Bernie. Paul's voice is soft but he means every word, and he's moving towards the small closet to grab fresh towels, fighting the urge not to grin, but he's grinning anyway, childlike and earnest. Happy. Loki's going to stay with him. They're going to curl up together. The thought of one of them taking the couch simply doesnt register to him, not with how they grew up.
Maybe they can both have a good thing. Maybe they deserve it. ]
[Stay. I want you to stay. Loki's heart swells and flutters up into his throat at the words, at the look on Paul's face as he caresses his newest scar and he finds himself a little breathless with it all as he watches Paul's retreating back. The coffee is downed in a few, hurried gulps, cup set on the coffee table as Loki follows behind him, and he finds himself with a matching grin as Paul grabs two towels instead of one.]
I hope that your shower can handle having two asses in there. Even if we gotta press a little to fit.
[There was no question in Loki's mind that they would share the same bed. Of course they would, like they were seven and nine again, taking refugee in the only place that they were allowed some fraction of peace. Loki points at a half open door, already walking towards it as he asks-]
Bathroom?
[Either way, Loki was peeling off his shirt again, readying it for throwing right into the floor.]
Loki peels off his shirt and Paul can't help the smile that creeps up his face when the other walks away and towards the bathroom. He feels light, he realizes--he feels like there's a weight that's been lifted off of his shoulders because of Loki's sheer presence. The simple casual way he rucks his shirt off again, the way that Paul is automatically doing the same with his own clothes and following suit.
Where he lives has never felt like home, but with Loki in the room it's more than just a place to sleep.
They shower, and Paul no longer minds that Loki can see his shoulder wound or the mostly healed stomach injury. Loki has far more damage--that cut on Loki's head, the angle of it, how horrifyingly beautiful it is when paired with the red in his eye that has yet to clear--and the water is too warm, the company too great. Paul keeps the strict cleanliness and discipline of the boys home they grew up embedded in him save for treating himself to a long, hot shower whenever he can. It's the one thing he allows himself and he appreciates it all the more when he gets to share it with the one person who actually understands him. They shower and Paul resists the urge to kiss the other when they're out, instead handing him a towel.
Paul doesn't have much but they're each other's size now, so once they're out the blonde is already tossing a pair of clean sweatpants at Loki's head without giving him a heads up, that boyish smile unable to leave his face.
Loki sees the wounds and stops Paul long enough to drift his fingers curiously over their edges, worry flitting through his face, but he didn't ask about them yet, instead just telling Paul to stop hogging all the hot water and switch with him. It was hard to not kiss him again, to not grab his head and lovingly sucking face but Loki was sure that was too needy. That that was too far somehow.
He smiles crookedly as he takes the towel and starts drying off, eyes trained on Paul's shoulders as he moves and Loki follows like a shadow, feeling more like they were 15 again than anything else. That perfect golden hour of time they'd had before everything went back to shit. He laughs as the sweatpants hit him and catches them, leaving his towel draped over his shoulder.
The sweatpants are tugged on and the towel tossed back into the bathroom with a promise- "I'll clean up once I'm done sleeping-" with the intent behind it being 'don't you go doing it instead'. Loki moves towards the bed, happy to leave his shirt off and get up under the thin blanket that passed for cover over the cheap sheets.
"I hope you don't still snore like you used to." Lies; Loki had always snored heavier, being the heavier sleeper, but even after so many years, he would never admit to it.
Paul's smile only widens, slightly lopsided as he openly admires his topless crush, noting the apartment seems a little bigger with Loki here and maybe a little brighter, too. They're back to when they were young and reckless and his heart skips a beat, completely forgetting there's a mess in the bathroom at all. He's focused on Loki as he slides into bed and following suit.
"You think I snore?" He asks, playful tone lacking his usual quietness. His retort is lightning quick: he's reaching out to pull Loki into him, pulling the other into a bear hug embrace whether he likes it or not and refusing to let go.
The benefit of getting into bed first is getting to watch Paul crawl in beside him - can't believe we're getting to do this again - and he should have expected the grapple. Right hand plastering on Paul's shoulder as he's pulled in, Loki laughs and drapes his arm over Paul's, propping his head up on his other hand.
I missed you was written all over his face, mirrored with a stupid smile of his own. A beat passed and then two before Loki was bending down and kissing Paul again for the sheer sake of feeling him against his lips. It broke and that smile was back, soft but wide and elated.
"I do think you snore. Just keep it down otherwise I'm gonna spend whatever times left in that 4 hours I promised keeping an eye on you." That sounded better than 'staring lovingly and marveling at how you're here'.
Loki's smile--Loki's genuine smile, not the bullshit he uses with other people--is warm and bright and Paul wants to do nothing but kiss it over, and over, and over.
How quickly the fall into a pattern again, how swift they go right back to how it was. Paul feels giddy. There's no thoughts of Nino's guys, no paranoid urge to double check the tape under the door they've already destroyed. Just Loki.
Just Loki and that slow, soft way they kiss, the kind that has Paul aching for more. He runs a hand through Loki's hair as he talks, mesmerized by the buzzcut, the feel, and then chances a soft kiss on Loki's cheek.
"You're gonna sleep," he assures, soft and quiet voice sounding more like a command, "I'm gonna be here."
'You can rest properly,' is more what he wants to say. 'I can protect you.'
He settles for another soft hug, detangling himself only to reach over and turn off the light.
The strokes were soothing in a sharp way that Loki hadn't realized he missed as much as he does, and Paul's assurance helps the detective scoot down a fraction so that he could lay properly and snuggle in closer, entangling their legs like setting a tripwire to a bell of alarm. His arm stays locked around Paul's waist as he tucks himself under Paul's chin, the place where he'd always felt most comfortable and secure.
"You fuckin' better," Loki rumbles with a sigh. The funny thing about it was that as soon as the words were out, as soon as he'd exhaled, Detective Loki was actually falling asleep. He'd been awake for more than 24 hours at this point and the much needed fucking and the hot shower was working against him staying awake in the warm and exceptionally secure embrace of his soulmate. Paul had always kept him safe, from bullies, from abuse, from his childhood nightmares that had only morphed and mutated in his adulthood. Spurred to the darker pits of humanity's depravity, his nightmares were part of the reason he slept like shit when he did sleep. Loki's brain was rarely ever quiet or still.
But the scent and feeling of Paul around him again, under all the shampoo and soap, Loki's brain finally settled and sent the man into a deep sleep. Normally reliant on his reliable internal clock, Loki's clock was set to snooze and instead of four, it was more like six.
When he finally did wake, it was with a deep breath and a questioning squeeze of his limbs to make sure Paul was still there like his everything expected.
Paul sleeps, too, though it's not for six hours straight. It's for four and a half, and when he wakes up and Loki is still tucked against his arm and the elation in his mind is wondrous.
This is real. This isn't something he's dreamed--and he has every so often, a recurring one thats just him and Loki--and Paul thinks about how fucking lucky he is that not only do dreams come true, but Loki seems to reciprocate his feelings if those legs entangled and entwined in his is anything to go by.
Paul may have snored, but when he wakes he can't fall asleep. Not when he's looking at years he's lost, Loki's lashes long and delicate cupids bow soft in his peaceful slumber. There's something beautiful about how something so etched in the dedication of others and forged in acrid morality can look so cherubic.
Paul kisses Loki's forehead and whispers a passage he still knows from all of those times he'd memorized the Bible just to impress Loki when they were young.
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."
When Loki does wake, Paul's still up but hasn't detangled himself. His arm is numb, but it's the one that's been shot. He can't feel it anyway.
The whisper didn't come anywhere close to waking him but asleep Loki still grips Paul with a contented breath at the soft sound of him as the wrap of sleep holds him against Paul. Of course Loki loves him; Paul was an oasis of comfort and security. They had always fought for each other, loved each other in the best way they knew how, and Loki had long understood how their weaknesses and strengths complimented each other. It had always been them against the world and for all the fleeting and rare dreams that Loki had about waking up in Paul's arms, there were just as many mornings that he woke up alone and anxious, ready to dive back into purposeful work that kept him out of his own sorrows.
This morning was different - a wash of relief out swelled the fear and loneliness that sat at the ready in Loki's chest and when he shifts his head back a fraction so he can look up in Paul's face, a sleepy smile slowly curls across his features. You're still here.
"Morning," he rumbles roughly, taking a deep breath as he starts to stretch, groaning softly before curling back into Paul, pressing a kiss to his chest. He could stay here for another hour at least; he hadn't slept so well in -
The relaxed air about him stiffened with a breath as he realized that there's no way it's been only four hours and he pulls his head back, eyes wide. "Oh shit. Did we oversleep?"
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 05:16 pm (UTC)But to hear it from Paul sent a thrill through him, lips twitching towards a smile before they part as he pulls in a lungful of air, eyes slipping closed under the soft pressure. Fuck. He loved this so much and the punctuating slam of Paul's hips against him makes him moan a little with each thrust.
Then he couldn't breathe at all and the hand around his cock strokes furiously in time with Paul's hips, brain shorting out to nothing but the movement, the pleasure, the 'yeah, I'm your whore, fucking use me' that took him over.
It didn't take long at all - A bare note got out from behind Paul's grasp before Loki was cumming, mouth working with the breath he couldn't draw as his body tenses and bows, legs and stomach trembling under the sweet duress as he unloads and paints his stomach and fist.
He was absolutely going to need that help staying upright when he relaxes.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 06:48 pm (UTC)Paul moves his hands almost immediately, still sheathed inside the brunet but more focused on making sure Loki's head doesn't hit the cramped kitchen cupboards: strong arms wrap around the other lighting quick, pulling him into a half-hug half-hold, and somewhere between the panting and the coming down from it all and the room spinning with sheer ecstasy Paul gently presses his lips against Loki's neck as a way of apologizing. Soft this time, as if combating the roughness will help. He's never soft. He tries to be, but it only ever works with Loki.
The smell of coffee is just as fragrant as the sex and sweat from the both of them. It's what finally pulls Paul out of it, content to just hold Loki as is for as long as he can. Eventually, though, and with an un-gloved hand swiping through Loki's half-shaved head, pushing his hair back for him, he breathes out and pulls out of the other entirely. He doesn't know what to say. It's morning, now. He can hear birds. Paul keeps his gaze lowered, grabbing paper towels to help clean his partner up, and says the only thing he really can think of. ]
Still want that coffee?
[ Loki's never looked more attractive than now, sex mussed in the afterglow. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-29 04:27 pm (UTC)Paul had let go. He knew he would. The soft kiss at his neck made his already weak knees a little weaker, and he sighs out a note of contentment.
Loki could almost fall asleep here. He was already running short on sleep and the crawl of Morning was an unwelcome one. He had no delusions; he knew they weren't going to be going back to Paul's bedroom. He sounds softly, a grunt, an exhale as Paul pulls out and steps away, and runs his hand over the bangs that Paul had just pushed back. The papertowels are taken and Loki wipes himself down.]
Yeah. Yeah, pour me one, woulda ya?
[Meanwhile, Loki will hop off the counter, keeping a hand on it's edge as his legs regain their balance before going to get his pants, eyes moving back to Paul as often as he could get away with it so that he could enjoy the shape of the man moving in the mundane task. Fuck.
He didn't know what to fill the silence with, so he didn't, focusing on getting his pants back together.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-29 06:27 pm (UTC)He wants desperately to move in, to close the gap between them once more and kiss Loki softly, gently, to pull him into a long hug and guide him over to the bed he hardly sleeps in, curling up next to him with a protective arm and sleeping the entire day. But he has work to do and Loki has work to do and Paul wouldn't be surprised if Loki still operated on 3 or 4 hours like Paul does.
So coffee it is, and the blond pushes down the sudden thought that this is going to be the last time they see each other, because that's the way the world seems to work. But Loki makes him feel right. He'd missed it, not realizing how that emptiness has gnawed at him for years. The kind of thing he thought Irene would help him with, before Standard and before Paul just couldn't help himself.
And there's something else, too, Paul realizes, perfectly content in the silence as Loki changes, he himself cleaning up a little as well and washing his hands. ]
Did the scars come first, or the tattoos?
[ It seems better than saying the obvious. 'how many times did the people supposed to protect you hurt you' seems trite. Paul pours the coffee, making it exactly Loki enjoys it. He'd memorized it the moment they had that breakfast together. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 06:55 pm (UTC)He'd had quite enough of that.
He bends, picking his shirt up with two fingers, already pleasantly sore. He was going to feel it all day. The shirt is tugged back over his shoulders, sleeves tugged up to his elbow.]
The tattoos. Quite a few of 'em hurt more than the scars did, and some of the scars there were put there myself.. [He takes the cup and gives Paul a little warm smile.]
Hellva lotta money, too.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 11:11 pm (UTC)Can they catch up? They're capable of doing so physically, at least. Loki knows where Paul lives. Paul knows where Loki works. Loki has to swing by the garage in a week anyway, though Paul is already planning on spending the day taking care of Loki's car. It's the last he can do after he wrecked it, even if he's not sorry about it. He motions to the small couch and coffee table: they can sit, and Paul can watch Loki like if he looks away the other is going to disappear like Orpheus's lover. He smiles again, decides maybe he and Loki should shove drinks and dinner in their faces sometime. Re-learn everything. ]
What's your favourite?
[ It doesn't matter what tattoo it is--it does, but not to Paul. It matters that Loki thinks it matters. Paul wants to ask about the scars, ask about the ones he put on himself--and he will. But right now he just wants to hear Loki talk. He missed it. ]
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Date: 2023-10-01 12:24 am (UTC)The scripting along my thighs and hips.
[He pauses and turns out his right forearm.]
These here. Proofs of dedication. Proof of self definition.
[His hand drops back down, tucking into his pocket.]
Little surprised I don't see more of 'em on you.
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Date: 2023-10-01 12:44 am (UTC)[ The exception is in the room. Loki stands and Paul doesn't take it personally. He's unhuried and unbothered as he sits, motion fluid but stiff, back perfectly straight. He watches Loki with a calm expression, though his eyes and the light twitch of his brow denotes interest. Paul inwardly chides himself for not getting a good look at the words.
Dedication. Self definition. It's fitting for Loki: transformed through his actions, rising above unparalleled, a phoenix. There's always been a bit of fire in both of them, Loki moreso, fueled by so, so much in his life.
Where did he go, when Paul aged out and ran? Paul's gaze moves to the still bloodshot eye, the scar on the other's skull. That's proof of dedication and self definition too, he thinks. Just a different kind. ]
You've changed, but you haven't.
[ Paul smiles, a sudden proud feeling fluttering into his stomach. ]
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Date: 2023-10-01 09:16 pm (UTC)Loki had been hoping for a little more. Why Paul was here. (No, he wasn't going to let go of it. He couldn't. Not when Trouble liked following them sometimes.) What happened during any of their in between time, what Paul had been doing with himself. Still, he wasn't disappointed. Six words were better than none.
He smiles back, stomach twisting with the pure hungry joy of getting to see Paul like this. Smiling. At ease. Basically, anyway. Enough.]
I could say the same thing about you. Suppose time does that to a person though... And it's been what, a decade?
[The word, the audacity of time having moved that much was given a huff and a pull of his lips that sat half empty on his face.]
Tell me about someplace else you ended up. [He just wants to hear Paul talk and he moves around to the open seat next to him, parking himself comfortably on it's edge, their knees almost but not quite touching.] Or maybe a warm place you've been. Winters been long as hell and I miss sunshine.
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Date: 2023-10-03 01:22 pm (UTC)Maybe they do balance each other out. Paul's certainly more relaxed. Enough that he's talking without large pauses, enough that he's moving an arm around Loki's waist as he's perched on the corner of the couch. The blonde sidles up to him, gently pressing his face against the other's side, taking in Loki's scent. He smells the same. It's been a decade, but Loki's still the one person Paul would do anything for. ]
I've been in LA, working in a garage. Met someone who took a chance on me, got me in a car. Stunt driving.
[ a beat. He misses Shannon. He misses him a lot, the sight of him dead in the garage still vivid, still fresh. His grip around Loki tightens until he forces himself to stop. ]
Paid shit, but it felt like i was free.
[He pauses. Mumbles the last bit, suddenly shy but wanting to change the subject ] Great food in LA. Do you like mexican?
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Date: 2023-10-07 01:18 am (UTC)All the expectations of what was going to happen that he'd set up in his mind were getting proven wrong -
An arm shifts without thought, Loki's heart skipping a beat at the new and also familiar contact as his hand settles on the curve of Paul's shoulders as he listens. A shop. Sounds about right. The stunt driving makes him smile. It was dangerous, sure, but a good application of the skill.
The tight squeeze has Loki shifting his hand to hug Paul's head against him, like a silent promise that he wasn't going anywhere.]
Free is good. [The best, actually.] And only assholes don't like mexican. Best thing we have here is a Chinese restaurant and a burger place. Gotta go out a half hour or so to hit anything Mexican.
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Date: 2023-10-07 12:55 pm (UTC)It's nice, he thinks. It's like it's them against the world again. Just Loki and Paul, the orphan and the delinquent, pushing against everything that forced them down.
Paul pulls away for a fraction of an inch to look directly at Loki from below, voice soft and sincere. ]
I could drive us. Whenever you're free. I'm available.
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Date: 2023-10-07 01:34 pm (UTC)Mismatched blue eyes shift to Paul's face as the man shifts and he can't help the crooked pull of his smile at all the hope and love he saw there. His hand shifts, combing back a few errant pieces of blonde hair that could have been left alone before settling his hand back where it was around Paul's head.]
Starting to sound like a date. [His smile spreads. A date was more than perfectly okay for him.] It'll have to be in a few days though. Once I get somewhere in this case I'm working.
[A case that made him blink that hard, ticish blink even thinking about it. A case he still felt he should be doing right now, but he hadn't taken a break and jesus, he had needed one. It was to the point somedays where Loki felt like shit about sleeping because of the wasted hours not searching for the answer, where the need to solve the life or death riddle held even his most basic human needs at bay.]
If that doesn't ruin the offer. [If it was okay.]
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Date: 2023-10-07 01:49 pm (UTC)He doesn't want normalcy. He wants Loki. He's always wanted Loki. And as Loki brushes his hair away from his face he knows it'd reciprocated. ]
No. [ it doesn't ruin it at all. Paul will just spend more time with Loki's car, will call Loki when he knows the other isn't sleeping. ]
You're doing the right thing.
[ a reminder. Paul exhales. That twitch is back. ]
You can talk about it if you want.
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Date: 2023-10-10 01:59 pm (UTC)His grip tightens against the back of Paul's head briefly, a reassurance.]
What I want is four hours of sleep and a shower. Maybe I'll see something in everything that I haven't seen before. Only question is if I'm doing those things here, or alone back at my apartment.
[He'd rather do them here. Rather talk Paul into joining him on the bed, being horizontal, relaxing properly - they could probably both use a little shut eye.]
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Date: 2023-10-10 08:04 pm (UTC)Paul has a difficult time sleeping, sure. He pulls all nighters frequently, especially if he's a driver for someone. But Loki, he's got reasons. He's haunted. He's a good guy in every sense now. Not a cop, but a detective, and Paul desperately wants the other to tell him everything. The good parts, the bad parts, why he's crazy enough to get into the field even though Paul already has a few inklings.
Loki will. Maybe Paul will prod him. The blonde nods. ]
Okay.
[ loki's not like other people. Paul tends to talk more in the other's presence. He reaches up to gently run fingers along that long scar on Loki's head softly as he rises. ]
Stay. I want you to stay.
[ forever. Until however long he can. Until Paul needs to leave town because of Bernie. Paul's voice is soft but he means every word, and he's moving towards the small closet to grab fresh towels, fighting the urge not to grin, but he's grinning anyway, childlike and earnest. Happy. Loki's going to stay with him. They're going to curl up together. The thought of one of them taking the couch simply doesnt register to him, not with how they grew up.
Maybe they can both have a good thing. Maybe they deserve it. ]
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Date: 2023-10-25 01:31 am (UTC)I hope that your shower can handle having two asses in there. Even if we gotta press a little to fit.
[There was no question in Loki's mind that they would share the same bed. Of course they would, like they were seven and nine again, taking refugee in the only place that they were allowed some fraction of peace. Loki points at a half open door, already walking towards it as he asks-]
Bathroom?
[Either way, Loki was peeling off his shirt again, readying it for throwing right into the floor.]
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Date: 2023-10-30 06:54 pm (UTC)Where he lives has never felt like home, but with Loki in the room it's more than just a place to sleep.
They shower, and Paul no longer minds that Loki can see his shoulder wound or the mostly healed stomach injury. Loki has far more damage--that cut on Loki's head, the angle of it, how horrifyingly beautiful it is when paired with the red in his eye that has yet to clear--and the water is too warm, the company too great. Paul keeps the strict cleanliness and discipline of the boys home they grew up embedded in him save for treating himself to a long, hot shower whenever he can. It's the one thing he allows himself and he appreciates it all the more when he gets to share it with the one person who actually understands him. They shower and Paul resists the urge to kiss the other when they're out, instead handing him a towel.
Paul doesn't have much but they're each other's size now, so once they're out the blonde is already tossing a pair of clean sweatpants at Loki's head without giving him a heads up, that boyish smile unable to leave his face.
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Date: 2023-11-06 12:35 am (UTC)He smiles crookedly as he takes the towel and starts drying off, eyes trained on Paul's shoulders as he moves and Loki follows like a shadow, feeling more like they were 15 again than anything else. That perfect golden hour of time they'd had before everything went back to shit. He laughs as the sweatpants hit him and catches them, leaving his towel draped over his shoulder.
The sweatpants are tugged on and the towel tossed back into the bathroom with a promise- "I'll clean up once I'm done sleeping-" with the intent behind it being 'don't you go doing it instead'. Loki moves towards the bed, happy to leave his shirt off and get up under the thin blanket that passed for cover over the cheap sheets.
"I hope you don't still snore like you used to." Lies; Loki had always snored heavier, being the heavier sleeper, but even after so many years, he would never admit to it.
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Date: 2023-11-06 01:00 am (UTC)"You think I snore?" He asks, playful tone lacking his usual quietness. His retort is lightning quick: he's reaching out to pull Loki into him, pulling the other into a bear hug embrace whether he likes it or not and refusing to let go.
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Date: 2023-11-17 01:54 am (UTC)I missed you was written all over his face, mirrored with a stupid smile of his own. A beat passed and then two before Loki was bending down and kissing Paul again for the sheer sake of feeling him against his lips. It broke and that smile was back, soft but wide and elated.
"I do think you snore. Just keep it down otherwise I'm gonna spend whatever times left in that 4 hours I promised keeping an eye on you." That sounded better than 'staring lovingly and marveling at how you're here'.
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Date: 2023-11-17 03:15 pm (UTC)How quickly the fall into a pattern again, how swift they go right back to how it was. Paul feels giddy. There's no thoughts of Nino's guys, no paranoid urge to double check the tape under the door they've already destroyed. Just Loki.
Just Loki and that slow, soft way they kiss, the kind that has Paul aching for more. He runs a hand through Loki's hair as he talks, mesmerized by the buzzcut, the feel, and then chances a soft kiss on Loki's cheek.
"You're gonna sleep," he assures, soft and quiet voice sounding more like a command, "I'm gonna be here."
'You can rest properly,' is more what he wants to say. 'I can protect you.'
He settles for another soft hug, detangling himself only to reach over and turn off the light.
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Date: 2023-11-18 01:59 am (UTC)"You fuckin' better," Loki rumbles with a sigh. The funny thing about it was that as soon as the words were out, as soon as he'd exhaled, Detective Loki was actually falling asleep. He'd been awake for more than 24 hours at this point and the much needed fucking and the hot shower was working against him staying awake in the warm and exceptionally secure embrace of his soulmate. Paul had always kept him safe, from bullies, from abuse, from his childhood nightmares that had only morphed and mutated in his adulthood. Spurred to the darker pits of humanity's depravity, his nightmares were part of the reason he slept like shit when he did sleep. Loki's brain was rarely ever quiet or still.
But the scent and feeling of Paul around him again, under all the shampoo and soap, Loki's brain finally settled and sent the man into a deep sleep. Normally reliant on his reliable internal clock, Loki's clock was set to snooze and instead of four, it was more like six.
When he finally did wake, it was with a deep breath and a questioning squeeze of his limbs to make sure Paul was still there like his everything expected.
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Date: 2023-11-18 02:33 am (UTC)This is real. This isn't something he's dreamed--and he has every so often, a recurring one thats just him and Loki--and Paul thinks about how fucking lucky he is that not only do dreams come true, but Loki seems to reciprocate his feelings if those legs entangled and entwined in his is anything to go by.
Paul may have snored, but when he wakes he can't fall asleep. Not when he's looking at years he's lost, Loki's lashes long and delicate cupids bow soft in his peaceful slumber. There's something beautiful about how something so etched in the dedication of others and forged in acrid morality can look so cherubic.
Paul kisses Loki's forehead and whispers a passage he still knows from all of those times he'd memorized the Bible just to impress Loki when they were young.
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."
When Loki does wake, Paul's still up but hasn't detangled himself. His arm is numb, but it's the one that's been shot. He can't feel it anyway.
"Morning." He owes Loki a hello, sleepy or not.
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Date: 2023-11-18 03:13 pm (UTC)This morning was different - a wash of relief out swelled the fear and loneliness that sat at the ready in Loki's chest and when he shifts his head back a fraction so he can look up in Paul's face, a sleepy smile slowly curls across his features. You're still here.
"Morning," he rumbles roughly, taking a deep breath as he starts to stretch, groaning softly before curling back into Paul, pressing a kiss to his chest. He could stay here for another hour at least; he hadn't slept so well in -
The relaxed air about him stiffened with a breath as he realized that there's no way it's been only four hours and he pulls his head back, eyes wide. "Oh shit. Did we oversleep?"
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